In a previous blog post, we explored one of my favorite topics; the characteristics that define a socialite. Now, it's time to speak further into the topic by discussing just how essential social climbing is. Elevating your social status is such an important aspect of becoming a socialite, and in this blog post, we will speak on essential tips for intentionally curating a social circle that propels you forward in life. Let’s learn effective strategies for expanding your network, building meaningful connections, and thriving in social settings.

Listen to the audio version of the socialite series on the She Is So Bougie podcast.

Section 1: How Important Is Social Climbing?

The term "social climbing" is often associated with negative connotations. People often label individuals as opportunists or wannabes who try to enter social circles beyond their reach in hopes of gaining acceptance. However, it's important to understand that being a social climber isn't necessarily a bad thing. While some socialites are born into wealth and have the luxury of mingling with similar individuals from a young age, many others have had to build their own self-brand from scratch, making social climbing a necessary step for their success.

Social climbing plays a crucial role in personal growth and aspiring to become a socialite. One trait among socialites is their network of successful friends, who are often on an equal or higher level in terms of career and economic status. When aiming to advance in life, you have to surround yourself with those who are at a level that matches or surpasses your aspirations. It would be unfortunate to associate with those who have not reached the same mental and physical milestones as this may get in the way of both your progress and advancement in life. As a social climber, you have to be strategic.

What sets socialites apart from the average person is that they network with intention. They purposefully seek out successful business owners, educators, and other influential figures to expand their network. By engaging with individuals who embody their desired lifestyle or have achieved success, socialites aim to cultivate connections that align with their aspirations, meaning they’re not going to network with someone who isn’t worth their time. If they don’t align with what they want out of life, socialites are not giving them the time of day, which should be a vital lesson for you to be choosy with whom you associate.

I often use the analogy of viewing your brand as a stock in various blog posts. Just like with stocks, you have to actively work on maintaining and increasing the value of your self-brand. Engaging in positive actions helps your stock rise, while negative actions can cause it to plummet, resulting in diminished worth. As someone who should have an immense amount of self-worth and high standards, your stock should always stay in the range of being valuable.

As you level up, so should your circle. As you grow, so should your level of friends. Your network equates to your self-brand’s net worth.

Section 2: The Steps Towards Social Climbing.

Understand Your Game Plan.

There have been a variety of instances where individuals have successfully engaged in social climbing only to find themselves back at square one. This typically occurs when they lack an effective plan regarding their purpose for social climbing in the first place. While forming friendships and romantic relationships can be valuable in the context of social climbing, it's crucial to remember that the ultimate goal should always be how these connections can contribute to personal advancement. Building relationships should serve as the cherry on top rather than being the sole focus. What’s the point of having all these connections without having anything to show for it?

I can name a few situations that have happened where women engage in social climbing primarily through romantic relationships. However, due to becoming entangled in emotions and love, they lose sight of their initial goals for social climbing. Once the relationship ended, they found themselves without any meaningful connections, money, or career growth. Don’t lose sight of the ultimate objective. It's important to maintain a clear vision of how cultivating connections can support your personal growth and goals most importantly.

Are you engaging in social climbing to find a mentor-like figure who can invest in your business or provide guidance? Maybe you're in a profession that necessitates social climbing to advance your career. Or you want to social climb for fame with hopes of becoming a household name. You have to identify your end goal when embarking on this journey before moving on to the next steps.

Figure Out Your Stepping Stone.

For some, having a starter boyfriend or friends who are at a higher level, typically financially, can serve as their initial entry point. By being in a relationship with someone who has greater resources, they can leverage this person’s connections for their advancement. However, it's important to note that these relationships with starter friends or boyfriends typically have a limited lifespan and are bound to end at some point.

Let's speak of the friendship between Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton as an example. Their relationship was characterized by mutual benefit, but it inevitably had an expiration date. During the early 2000s, Paris Hilton held the title of the coveted "it girl" socialite, which greatly inspired Kim Kardashian, who aspired to achieve stardom herself. By associating with Paris Hilton, Kim not only gained credibility but also established valuable connections in the industry. Their friendship served as a stepping stone for Kim's journey toward becoming a star in her own right.

People can sometimes use the help of pursuing intentional opportunities to social climb. I’m going to use the example of Anna Delvey who is nowhere near a success story, but we can certainly learn a thing or two from her. Anna’s journey in social climbing began with an internship at Purple magazine. Securing an internship at a prestigious fashion publication can open doors to invaluable networking opportunities from the start. This experience played a significant role in helping her gain access to the upper class. Volunteering at fashion shows and connecting with influential figures in the industry provided her with a solid foundation of connections. This initial opportunity served as a stepping stone for her social-climbing endeavors. Anna Delvey's journey continued as she relocated to New York, leveraging her internship connections to gain access to various social events such as art openings, parties, and galas.

Please note that the opportunities you pursue for social climbing don't necessarily have to be highly esteemed. Take the case of Shala Monroque, a former creative director for the fashion brand Garage. She transitioned from being a restaurant hostess to marrying a multi-millionaire and gaining access to front-row fashion shows seemingly overnight. Shala didn't rely on a super sophisticated fashion internship or attend exclusive networking events to make connections. Instead, she actively sought jobs as a hostess at upscale restaurants frequented by upper-class New Yorkers which was her stepping stone. These were reservation-only establishments where only the elite would seek to dine, allowing her to meet her husband. Considering her husband is mega-rich, he had the necessary connections for her to pursue the career she wanted and her social-climbing endeavors continued to flourish.

Gaining entry to sought-after events is not a matter of chance. It requires proactive effort in seeking out opportunities and immersing oneself in environments where such opportunities emerge. It is crucial to identify the stepping stone that will propel you to the pinnacle of the social climbing hierarchy. If you're a college student, this stepping stone might involve securing a prestigious internship or embarking on a semester studying abroad. For professionals, it could entail establishing a friendship with a successful and experienced woman in your industry, from whom you can learn and leverage valuable resources from.

You need to figure out the stepping stone that will get you to the top.

Perfecting Your Networking Skills.

When it comes to anything in life, whether that be career advancements to trying to better your social circle, being introverted and not being able to showcase your self-brand to every person you meet will cause you to be stagnant in life. Knowing how to be sociable is crucial in all of this. If you struggle with social anxiety or in-person communication, it's essential to consistently work on improving these skills. Perfect your social abilities because oftentimes, people, especially those on a higher level than yourself, can perceive insecurity in social situations. Before going through the motions of social climbing, you want to work on improving your social skills first.

Being sociable involves more than just superficial interactions. It's about genuinely engaging with others, actively listening, and showing interest in their conversation. If you’re at your first networking event, here are some top three tips that you should incorporate that will effectively self-brand yourself:

Those who climb the social hierarchy are assertive and proactive. When they encounter someone they want to connect with at an event, they approach them and start a conversation. While fear of rejection holds many people back, social climbers are not letting insecurities get in the way of their end goal. This confidence sets them apart and interestingly enough, those in higher social classes often find this trait admirable. Please note that if you are planning on making the first move, it’s easier to do this with someone you did your research on versus a stranger.
We're all familiar with the concept of an elevator pitch. Typically, we have an elevator pitch tailored to our current job title. However, in this situation, it's essential to have an elevator pitch that represents our brand. This pitch doesn't have to be overly career-specific, but it should be concise, lasting about ten to thirty seconds, and provide a brief introduction to who you are.
Maintain the relationship. Following up is an important aspect of networking, yet many people fail to do so. Keep in mind that these individuals are often busy, so taking the initiative to reach out first is normal.

Who’s Worth Your Time?

Avoid being the person who knows everyone and jumps between different social circles. While social climbing can have its benefits, it's important to acknowledge that there is such a thing as negative publicity when it comes to your social aspirations. We often come across instances where public figures associate themselves with individuals who, despite being wealthy and accomplished, have a negative reputation beyond their success. As the saying goes, the company you keep reflects yourself, and it's important to avoid finding yourself in such a situation to ensure consistency with your self-brand. Proper vetting and figuring out who exactly is worth your time is a necessity in your social climbing endeavors.

When discussing the topic of who is worth your time, it relates closely to your personal brand. Let's consider the case of Meghan Markle, who undoubtedly climbed her way to success. Her social circle, even before her association with Prince Harry, consisted of influential individuals ranging from athletes like Serena Williams to businesswomen like Amal Clooney. It would seem unusual for her to befriend, for instance, a rapper, given the well-defined and sophisticated nature of her social circle. Such a decision wouldn't align with her established connections and may not make much sense in her context.

With this being said; who is well worth your time and what connections would do justice towards your personal goals?

Connecting with individuals solely based on their success isn't enough; they must align with your goals. It's important to stick with niche-specific individuals who share your passions and aspirations.

You Keep Going Up From Here.

There’s a reason it’s called social climbing, you continue to climb up the ladder, not the other way around. For instance, if your ‘starter’ boyfriend was a professional athlete who served as a stepping stone to a more luxurious lifestyle, it makes sense to continue to pursue relationships with individuals from a similar or higher network who can provide you with that same level of opulence. If you're accustomed to befriending women who invite you to exclusive parties, and events abroad and are successful in their endeavors, it would be out of place to suddenly befriend someone who is unemployed and doesn't align with the lifestyle you've previously experienced.

Social climbing is not about settling; it is an ongoing pursuit where success and opportunities should always abound. This is particularly true when it comes to career growth. Continually seek out and seize career opportunities that can propel you to even greater heights, continue meeting new people, and most importantly, always continue to climb the ladder. I can’t express this enough, continue to climb UP.

In Conclusion…

While "social climbing" may carry negative connotations, it is essential to acknowledge that it can be a positive for personal growth and success. When going on this journey of becoming a socialite in your own right, you need to connect with individuals who are on an equal or higher level in terms of career and economic status. Genuine socialites are known for their network of successful friends, who inspire and support their aspirations. Surrounding oneself with like-minded individuals who have achieved similar milestones is vital for continued progress and advancement in life. However, it is important to avoid associations that hinder personal growth and impede progress toward one's goals. Ultimately, social climbing can be a powerful tool for self-improvement and opening doors to new opportunities on the path to success.